You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
