I think scott just propositioned me for sex
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
