Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
