Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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