Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize