I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
