U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
two words...techno handjob
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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