thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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