I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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