we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
