could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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