she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
