hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
