the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
