Apparently you make a good broom.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
