my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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