I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
