We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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