4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
