Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
