from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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