I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
