I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
