I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
try to milk me bitch
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