no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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