A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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