We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
