At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
