My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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