i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
