Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
