From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just found puke in my bra..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
