I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize