hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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