He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
