call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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