I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
