I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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