saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
