can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
