Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
