you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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