the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
