I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
