he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
