she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
