she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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