i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
