Your dad touched me again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
