sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
