just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
