I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
