she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
