I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
