I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
