how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
