is wine microwaveable?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
