Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
