ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
