Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
