I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
