Im at strip club and am horny
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
