do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
