There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
