We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tonight lets celebrate not being married
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
