I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this will be a night to untag.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
